So my mom falls. A LOT. And its not like she is does not know how to walk- although maybe the balance in her ears are off- she is just clumsy. If she were an Indian her name would be "Falls A Lot"
Anyway- If we count up her falls and have a chart we maybe could think of a medical condition for her- but they really are spread out and they really are funny falls. Like a couple of years ago when she went to go visit her friend Erna, she was walking up the walkway (which is stair friendly- BUT spread out) she completely bit ass! She says it was because of the water/mud combination on the stairs. I think it was because she was not paying any attention! Like the time where she fell UP the stairs in her house- ok so she was wasted from the Denver Broncos playoff game and I brought over jello shots where they were supposed to be taken when the Broncos SCORED not when they got a first down- but still that is a FALL.
She has gotten really injured on these falls. Like one time she was leaving her school after a day of teaching and she was wearing awkwardly tall shoes (I know these shoes because I gave them to her after realizing I do not wear tall shoes) and she was walking down the stairs of Smoky Hill High School. Well she totally lost her balance (naturally) and fell on the side of her foot BREAKING her foot! I get a call from her telling me that she was on her way to the ER because she fell and broke her foot! I knew at some point of my adult life I would get that call. So we all meet her at the hospital where it takes HOURS for anyone to see her injury and yep- sure enough she broke her foot and has to wear a boot for 2 months. Best part is? It is December and she now has to do Christmas shopping on a broken foot!! Although she DOES get a handicap sticker which means front row parking during the busiest shopping days of the year.
Her most recent falls I laughed out loud when I heard about them. She was at 24 hour fitness with Ashley and they are both on the treadmill. She is walking fast at this point but a song came on that she just loves. Candyman by Christina Aguilera. WATCH OUT if that song comes on and my mom is listening to it. Get out of the way if she is driving, LEAVE the dance floor and make sure you are not walking behind her treadmill. So she ups her speed- she is starting to run- at this point she has no idea what happened. She closes her eyes and she is really into the song. She says maybe she fell asleep. Ashley thinks that she is pulling a fast one on her and totally joking around. But my mom stops moving her legs. Her lower half of the body just stops moving- which seems odd considering she LOVES this song. Few seconds later- BAM! she is on the ground! FALLS OFF the treadmill!! WHO DOES THAT?! She is laughing, Ashley makes sure she is ok, but come on- that is funny stuff. And I am sure we can all imagine my mom- "Oh dear!"
A trip to the zoo sounds fun on a hot afternoon doesn't it?! So my mom, Jess, the nephews and Aunt Jeannie all go to the zoo. (Meanwhile everyone else in this country WORKS!) So they approach this half wall thing that tells animal lovers how far an animal can jump. This wall thing has been there for years and its always a challenge to see how far you can jump. SO they all start jumping- Michael gets as far as a penguin which apparently they can jump far. Jeannie is now challenging my mom to see if she can get close to that. Well my mom thinks, I have short legs and I have no chance- but screw it! Lets do it! SO they all stand around to see how far she can jump. Someone holds her purse. She pretends to stretch. And JUMP! she sticks the landing! Oh wait....there she goes....and FALLS on her ass!! MAN DOWN!! she is now on her back staring in the sky laughing...again, we can all imagine mom, "Oh dear!"
So I am worried that I am going to miss a really good fall and a really good laugh, but at the same time I really want to have her wear her scooter helmet everywhere she goes for safety purposes. Can you just imagine her on a scooter. It is pretty bad ass.
No comments:
Post a Comment