So...we had a birthday party for Mr. Bo the other day...and there was a great turn out!
People like me- you are in your mid-20's. Ahem....LATE 20's....and you do not have kids...you have dogs. SO you treat your dogs like kids, because that is what they are. You feed them, give them water, bathe them and even clean up their poop. Just like a baby. I have wiped Mr. Bo's ass before- and I am not ashamed to admit it. NOPE.
So he turned 7, which is hard for me. He is getting older, so I wanted this birthday to be special. SO I send out the evite, (yes...I send out an evite) invite all of his doggie friends and get him pumped about his brithday.
The day comes and I tell him that he is going to the dog park with all of his friends. He lays there and wags his tail and I know he can hear me! He is so excited. Sarah and Sunnie come to the house to pick us up. Steve had to work that night so he had to drive seperate just in case it got late.
SO Sunnie and Mr. Bo are in the back of Sarah's car- just so excited. We get to the park and Aunt Sarah is throwing Mr. Bo's ball back and fourth- and Sunnie is just sitting there watching. Dogs start showing up. Chip Douglas, Ton, Zeb, Dora- Jess shows up with the kids, my friends Alicia and Caleb shows up with NO dog (that is dedication to friendship)and people are just having a great time with all of their dogs.
Mr. Bo ended up running to much that he hurt his paws so a vet trip was made the next day....SO when are we having kids? AND if we do...could you imagine the parties we would throw??!
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Can I get a Sub??
So most of you know that I want to become a teacher. Most of you know that it scares the crap out of me. ME? Teach? People?
I am slowly starting to see what you need to do to become a teacher.
1. Stop cussing. SHIT NO!!
2. Start looking in to schools that have a master's degree program.
-Thanks to Sister Jessica (no she is not a nun) she told me that getting a MASTERS in teaching is the key to being a sucessful teacher (well you make more money....lets be honest) SO I have started the application process to CU at Denver for a teaching license/masters. It will take about 1.5 years for the license- then you get a job and while you are teacing it will only take about 6-12 months to get a masters. (Can I get a master in the universe? answer: No)
3. Get your substitue teaching license from the Colorado dept. of education.
-DONE. It only took about 3 months to get but I finally got it.
4. Start applying in all the districts that allow a 3-year subbing license.
-SO today- I had my first interview at DPS. It was sort of like a speed dating set up to where you have 10 minutes to sell yourself, they email you the questions they will ask you....so you really have no way to screw this up. UNLESS you are Michael Jackson. Or you say, "I don't LIKE kids I LOVE them...and its not just LOVE- its LOVE LOVE." Or you could even say, "I was in jail once for being in a chat room with a bunch of 15 year olds, but that was like 10 years ago so no big deal."
SO IF I do not get this job- it will burst my ego so bad that I will quit this dream all together and become a pan handler on Parker and 225. I bet they make just as much money as me....
So I sit down in front of this girl who is about my age. She has the cutest shortest bouncy hair and she is just a damn cute girl. I mean- if she was my teacher, I would be jealous of her good looks. She tells me that her interview partner went to his car and he would be right back. The head hancho lady comes by and tells me in a kidding way, "Don't be nervous by just sitting here and waiting!!" Well great. Thanks. Now I AM nervous.
So me and this chick are just bullshitting about how nice the weather is for it being February. She finally says that we can just get started with the first question....Which was, "Why do you want to work in an urban and diverse school district like DPS?" So I go on to say that although I have grown up in the CCSD and loved it- I would like to broden my search and passion for teaching with the less fortante kids and kids that are in poverty because I think it is a great opportunity to get as many great teachers as we can to help those kids in need and get those CSAP score up. (or some bullshit like that....) So as we go on to the next question her interview partner returns. She tells him that we just went over the first question....and as she pauses...I quickly say, "And I NAILED it!!" They both look over at me. This guy is older and kind of chuckles but he probably does not get me or even knows what "nailed it" means. The chick starts laughing but in my head I am thinking, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?! No time for jokes!!" Why can I not be serious in these interviews?!
So they continue on question after question....they come up with the one where if I go into a classroom where a teacher does not have a lesson plan, what would I do...well I explain that you have to be prepared for everything in any kind of job you have. I start telling them about the "bag of tricks" that I have (which I DO NOT have...so I totally lied) but Jessica told me that some subs have a bag of tricks that have lessons plans and activites just in case the teachers do not leave them with stuff. SO I use this. But then I start thinking, maybe its not called a "bag of tricks" maybe its called a "bag of magic" and I start freaking out again. But I just continue talking out of my ass because at this point, it has been working, right?
SO we end they interview with a, we will let you know by end of school day tomorrow. As I am leaving, I hear the guy as the girl about the first question. What? He did not believe me that I NAILED IT?!
Ahhh....man....We will see where this teaching career goes, AND I cannot wait to see my first day as a sub, or a teacher for that matter. Sometimes I think Mom dropped me on the head quite a few times when I was a baby.
I am slowly starting to see what you need to do to become a teacher.
1. Stop cussing. SHIT NO!!
2. Start looking in to schools that have a master's degree program.
-Thanks to Sister Jessica (no she is not a nun) she told me that getting a MASTERS in teaching is the key to being a sucessful teacher (well you make more money....lets be honest) SO I have started the application process to CU at Denver for a teaching license/masters. It will take about 1.5 years for the license- then you get a job and while you are teacing it will only take about 6-12 months to get a masters. (Can I get a master in the universe? answer: No)
3. Get your substitue teaching license from the Colorado dept. of education.
-DONE. It only took about 3 months to get but I finally got it.
4. Start applying in all the districts that allow a 3-year subbing license.
-SO today- I had my first interview at DPS. It was sort of like a speed dating set up to where you have 10 minutes to sell yourself, they email you the questions they will ask you....so you really have no way to screw this up. UNLESS you are Michael Jackson. Or you say, "I don't LIKE kids I LOVE them...and its not just LOVE- its LOVE LOVE." Or you could even say, "I was in jail once for being in a chat room with a bunch of 15 year olds, but that was like 10 years ago so no big deal."
SO IF I do not get this job- it will burst my ego so bad that I will quit this dream all together and become a pan handler on Parker and 225. I bet they make just as much money as me....
So I sit down in front of this girl who is about my age. She has the cutest shortest bouncy hair and she is just a damn cute girl. I mean- if she was my teacher, I would be jealous of her good looks. She tells me that her interview partner went to his car and he would be right back. The head hancho lady comes by and tells me in a kidding way, "Don't be nervous by just sitting here and waiting!!" Well great. Thanks. Now I AM nervous.
So me and this chick are just bullshitting about how nice the weather is for it being February. She finally says that we can just get started with the first question....Which was, "Why do you want to work in an urban and diverse school district like DPS?" So I go on to say that although I have grown up in the CCSD and loved it- I would like to broden my search and passion for teaching with the less fortante kids and kids that are in poverty because I think it is a great opportunity to get as many great teachers as we can to help those kids in need and get those CSAP score up. (or some bullshit like that....) So as we go on to the next question her interview partner returns. She tells him that we just went over the first question....and as she pauses...I quickly say, "And I NAILED it!!" They both look over at me. This guy is older and kind of chuckles but he probably does not get me or even knows what "nailed it" means. The chick starts laughing but in my head I am thinking, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?! No time for jokes!!" Why can I not be serious in these interviews?!
So they continue on question after question....they come up with the one where if I go into a classroom where a teacher does not have a lesson plan, what would I do...well I explain that you have to be prepared for everything in any kind of job you have. I start telling them about the "bag of tricks" that I have (which I DO NOT have...so I totally lied) but Jessica told me that some subs have a bag of tricks that have lessons plans and activites just in case the teachers do not leave them with stuff. SO I use this. But then I start thinking, maybe its not called a "bag of tricks" maybe its called a "bag of magic" and I start freaking out again. But I just continue talking out of my ass because at this point, it has been working, right?
SO we end they interview with a, we will let you know by end of school day tomorrow. As I am leaving, I hear the guy as the girl about the first question. What? He did not believe me that I NAILED IT?!
Ahhh....man....We will see where this teaching career goes, AND I cannot wait to see my first day as a sub, or a teacher for that matter. Sometimes I think Mom dropped me on the head quite a few times when I was a baby.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Seriously?
Ok, so not sure if any of you have seen the new products out there that we MUST CALL NOW and they will SEND YOU A SECOND ONE FOR JUST THE SHIPPING AND HANDLING! You must take a look at the worst products I have seen in awhile.
1. The Snuggie:
The Snuggie is a blanket with arms. Please watch:
ok, so why not put on a robe? Must you have to have a blanket with sleeves. At last! A product that saves me 0.8 seconds to grab the remote!! The best is the family at a sporting event...if I ever see my family come out to my softball game in that- I will shoot myself in the face in pure embarrassment. Hey guys, get your suggie- we got Bronco tickets!!
2. The Hawaii Chair
Just watch....
What the hell is that chick doing?!? I mean it looks like she is having a little too much fun on that damn chair....if you know what I mean. And the chick with the arms in the air? What? And if I ever saw my office mate sit in that I would be scared- I mean could you imagine going into a job interview and having someone sit in that chair interview you going in a circle like that? And that one chick, "this is amazing!" yeah- will your getting a little pleasure at work, of course its amazing.
3. Tiddy Bear
Yeah- that's right....Tiddy bear. enjoy this one.
so basically you pull up next to someone and see a teddy bear- excuse me- a TIDDY bear motorboating your boobs. nice. But don't you worry- it comes in Pink too!!
4. Rejuvenique
Does anyone find that creepy as all hell?? "Oh, hey honey- I almost just shot you and beat you senseless because I thought you were a serial killer- but nope- you were just getting the wrinkles out of your face. My mistake!" I do not care if I look like Lauren Bacall- I am NOT putting that thing on my face.
Well--I guess I am just lucky enough to be here in this great country where anyone can come up with any great idea. Now I leave you with these videos- because sometimes- the products are not all that great.
1. The Snuggie:
The Snuggie is a blanket with arms. Please watch:
ok, so why not put on a robe? Must you have to have a blanket with sleeves. At last! A product that saves me 0.8 seconds to grab the remote!! The best is the family at a sporting event...if I ever see my family come out to my softball game in that- I will shoot myself in the face in pure embarrassment. Hey guys, get your suggie- we got Bronco tickets!!
2. The Hawaii Chair
Just watch....
What the hell is that chick doing?!? I mean it looks like she is having a little too much fun on that damn chair....if you know what I mean. And the chick with the arms in the air? What? And if I ever saw my office mate sit in that I would be scared- I mean could you imagine going into a job interview and having someone sit in that chair interview you going in a circle like that? And that one chick, "this is amazing!" yeah- will your getting a little pleasure at work, of course its amazing.
3. Tiddy Bear
Yeah- that's right....Tiddy bear. enjoy this one.
so basically you pull up next to someone and see a teddy bear- excuse me- a TIDDY bear motorboating your boobs. nice. But don't you worry- it comes in Pink too!!
4. Rejuvenique
Does anyone find that creepy as all hell?? "Oh, hey honey- I almost just shot you and beat you senseless because I thought you were a serial killer- but nope- you were just getting the wrinkles out of your face. My mistake!" I do not care if I look like Lauren Bacall- I am NOT putting that thing on my face.
Well--I guess I am just lucky enough to be here in this great country where anyone can come up with any great idea. Now I leave you with these videos- because sometimes- the products are not all that great.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
I froze my BILLS off for that?!?!
So last Sunday, Steve and I decided to go to the Bronco-Bills game at Invesco field. Now this was my second game at Invesco- the first was the memorable Monday night football game I worked at (see the my first post).
We decided to park at my friend Greg's house- he lives on 20th which is only 2 blocks from Invesco and when he called and asked if we were parking there, we thought- Hey its free so hell yeah!!
We put on LAYERS of clothes- even got Herb the long johns (not the donut- although those are tasty) and we are out the door.
We get to Greg's, he gives us instructions on how to work the garage and he asks us how the hell are we going to the game in this weather. We say we will be fine-and off we go. Now its cold- the cold were the sun is out, but it does not matter. You see your breath and your face gets cold in a matter of seconds. We are walking to the game, people are tailgating- they HAVE to be drunk to be out in this cold for THAT long. We get inside Invesco, the people patting you down have mittens or thick gloves on so I think, "What is the point of all of this?"
We get in and look at our tickets- 525. We have to go...UP. SO we walk the ramp....look at the people in line for the escalator- and just keep going. We are at the point that we are cold, but hot from walking at an incline, which is just uncomfortable for anyone.
We finally get to the top- and we want brats. We order 2 brats, one beer and a bottle of water. Why beer and water?? Well I was thirsty from the climb- and what is a football game without beer?! We find our seats and they are really good seats. The are three seats by themselves facing the sun- which thank god- and you can see the entire field. SO we sit. I am taking pictures, taking on and off my gloves, and then I finally get to my brat- which its cold by the time I take the first bite. The Broncos come on the field and kick off is ready to go. Steve calls his parents who are at the game as well to make sure they are in their seats. Ed Greene from channel 4 comes on, "Congratulations fans! You are at the coldest game in Invesco Field history and the sixth coldest game in Bronco history- the kickoff degrees is 17!!" We all cheer, but we are not sure we want to cheer or kick this guys ass because he is in a warm studio.
Anyway, the 1st quarter goes well, the Broncos run the ball in for a touchdown the first play of the game, and the also get a field goal. The score is 10-0 so we are feeling pretty good AND at least we are feeling anything at all. It is getting colder....I cannot drink anymore of my water and Steve's beer that kept freezing over is now gone. It is getting colder. Steve goes to the bathroom at one point and comes back to report that the men's bathroom is closed because the pipes have froze and the women's bathroom is now open for everyone. I get a hot coco which surprisingly stayed hot. The 2nd half flies by and now it is half time. The score is 13-10, Broncos barely holding on.
We meet Pat and Mary at halftime, I can barely move- I have not moved since sitting down the start of the game. Mary is wearing this 1990's coat that looks like a sleeping bag and I want to rip it off of her and wear it myself. She says, "Yes I know it is ugly but it is damn warm!" But if you think about it- do you really want to look GOOD or keep WARM? I vote WARM!! It is the best coat I have seen in a long time. Pat's beer that he is drinking it frozen and we are all just shivering. We tell them that we have a seat open next to us so they decide to move their stuff over to us. Most of the people around us have left at this point.
The second half starts which also means the sun went down. Steve and I cannot feel our feet and my nose is like an otter pop. It is so cold that we both are laughing, but at the same time not having any fun any more. In the 3rd, the Bills score two field goals and the Broncos score a touchdown- and the score is way too close. We want to leave but this damn game is closer than what we want. 4th quarter starts and it is now 13 degrees outside. We see an add on the jumbotran that says, hot dogs right now? (excuse my french.....but COME ON!!) Steve and I look at each other, we both know what we are saying. Steve tells his mom that we cannot take the cold anymore and we leave. We get in the stairwell of the exit and have never been so warm in our lives. we keep walking but cannot feel our legs, feet, I cannot feel my nose- and have you seen that thing?! Its huge! It was a jog to our car....we have never walked that fast in our lives. It it is getting colder. We finall and ice cold soda....someone yells, "yeah right!! Like we want a damn ice cold anything right now!!" The fans are getting upset. This must end. Mary has those hand warmers and I am warming one up for Steve's foot that lost feeling awhile back. I tell him to put it in his shoe. He does and then I get another one going for my hands. It is getting brutal. The Broncos seem to be having their heads more and more up their asses that we are all in pain for nothing. Cutler gets the ball....goes back.....and throws a pick. Are you fucking kidding mey get to Greg's garage. We walk into his building and for the first time in 3 hours we feel warmth. We do not want to leave Greg's building...in fact we just stay there for about 5 minutes. We get in my car, turn on 850 AM just to find out Bronco's did lose 30-23.
Now we have this Sunday against San Diego. Whoever wins goes to the playoffs. Whoever looses, goes home. I cannot believe that I froze my Bills off to see that performance. It was ugly. I could not even believe it. I want Bronco's to win on Sunday- but at the same time- do the deserve it?!?!
Well all in all- I guess Buffalo does know what it is like to play in 13 degree's.
We decided to park at my friend Greg's house- he lives on 20th which is only 2 blocks from Invesco and when he called and asked if we were parking there, we thought- Hey its free so hell yeah!!
We put on LAYERS of clothes- even got Herb the long johns (not the donut- although those are tasty) and we are out the door.
We get to Greg's, he gives us instructions on how to work the garage and he asks us how the hell are we going to the game in this weather. We say we will be fine-and off we go. Now its cold- the cold were the sun is out, but it does not matter. You see your breath and your face gets cold in a matter of seconds. We are walking to the game, people are tailgating- they HAVE to be drunk to be out in this cold for THAT long. We get inside Invesco, the people patting you down have mittens or thick gloves on so I think, "What is the point of all of this?"
We get in and look at our tickets- 525. We have to go...UP. SO we walk the ramp....look at the people in line for the escalator- and just keep going. We are at the point that we are cold, but hot from walking at an incline, which is just uncomfortable for anyone.
We finally get to the top- and we want brats. We order 2 brats, one beer and a bottle of water. Why beer and water?? Well I was thirsty from the climb- and what is a football game without beer?! We find our seats and they are really good seats. The are three seats by themselves facing the sun- which thank god- and you can see the entire field. SO we sit. I am taking pictures, taking on and off my gloves, and then I finally get to my brat- which its cold by the time I take the first bite. The Broncos come on the field and kick off is ready to go. Steve calls his parents who are at the game as well to make sure they are in their seats. Ed Greene from channel 4 comes on, "Congratulations fans! You are at the coldest game in Invesco Field history and the sixth coldest game in Bronco history- the kickoff degrees is 17!!" We all cheer, but we are not sure we want to cheer or kick this guys ass because he is in a warm studio.
Anyway, the 1st quarter goes well, the Broncos run the ball in for a touchdown the first play of the game, and the also get a field goal. The score is 10-0 so we are feeling pretty good AND at least we are feeling anything at all. It is getting colder....I cannot drink anymore of my water and Steve's beer that kept freezing over is now gone. It is getting colder. Steve goes to the bathroom at one point and comes back to report that the men's bathroom is closed because the pipes have froze and the women's bathroom is now open for everyone. I get a hot coco which surprisingly stayed hot. The 2nd half flies by and now it is half time. The score is 13-10, Broncos barely holding on.
We meet Pat and Mary at halftime, I can barely move- I have not moved since sitting down the start of the game. Mary is wearing this 1990's coat that looks like a sleeping bag and I want to rip it off of her and wear it myself. She says, "Yes I know it is ugly but it is damn warm!" But if you think about it- do you really want to look GOOD or keep WARM? I vote WARM!! It is the best coat I have seen in a long time. Pat's beer that he is drinking it frozen and we are all just shivering. We tell them that we have a seat open next to us so they decide to move their stuff over to us. Most of the people around us have left at this point.
The second half starts which also means the sun went down. Steve and I cannot feel our feet and my nose is like an otter pop. It is so cold that we both are laughing, but at the same time not having any fun any more. In the 3rd, the Bills score two field goals and the Broncos score a touchdown- and the score is way too close. We want to leave but this damn game is closer than what we want. 4th quarter starts and it is now 13 degrees outside. We see an add on the jumbotran that says, hot dogs right now? (excuse my french.....but COME ON!!) Steve and I look at each other, we both know what we are saying. Steve tells his mom that we cannot take the cold anymore and we leave. We get in the stairwell of the exit and have never been so warm in our lives. we keep walking but cannot feel our legs, feet, I cannot feel my nose- and have you seen that thing?! Its huge! It was a jog to our car....we have never walked that fast in our lives. It it is getting colder. We finall and ice cold soda....someone yells, "yeah right!! Like we want a damn ice cold anything right now!!" The fans are getting upset. This must end. Mary has those hand warmers and I am warming one up for Steve's foot that lost feeling awhile back. I tell him to put it in his shoe. He does and then I get another one going for my hands. It is getting brutal. The Broncos seem to be having their heads more and more up their asses that we are all in pain for nothing. Cutler gets the ball....goes back.....and throws a pick. Are you fucking kidding mey get to Greg's garage. We walk into his building and for the first time in 3 hours we feel warmth. We do not want to leave Greg's building...in fact we just stay there for about 5 minutes. We get in my car, turn on 850 AM just to find out Bronco's did lose 30-23.
Now we have this Sunday against San Diego. Whoever wins goes to the playoffs. Whoever looses, goes home. I cannot believe that I froze my Bills off to see that performance. It was ugly. I could not even believe it. I want Bronco's to win on Sunday- but at the same time- do the deserve it?!?!
Well all in all- I guess Buffalo does know what it is like to play in 13 degree's.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Shoeuicide Bomber
I am sure all of you by now have seen the video where president Bush gets attacked in Baghdad. WHAT?!?! Bush got attacked?!?! Well....in a way....
There we were, watching the KC-San Diego football game- which was all the options we had on TV. (It was either that shit fest OR Tampa Bay at Atlanta....Football seems to get be getting worse. Or maybe I am getting worse at my pick 'em pool and holding on to my top 10 status just gets scarier each week.)
The news breaks in- which was during a commercial break not even the game- to let us know the "breaking news" in Baghdad or I guess just how the farewell speech went with Bush.
Apparently not good. OR really good. Depends on how you look at it.
The lady newscaster lets us know that there was a Baghdad journalist that threw his own shoes at president Bush, but Bush was not harmed. They go to the video.
WHAT?
I have never laughed that hard at something I shouldn't since grade school!! You have to be shitty me!!
So this guy gets off his left shoe- CHUCKS it at Bush, Bush ducks (can the Denver Broncos recruit Bush with those awesome moves?) then the guy has time to take off his RIGHT shoe and throw it at him for one more try. Holy shit. What has this world come to?? First off the fact that the guy had TIME to take off his shoes (and look how I said that plural) and throw it at him is damn good- and second off- Hey! Secret Service! Can you say JOB OPENING? Not in this job market!! You want to keep on to the job even if it means you have to protect Bush....I mean yes, we have been counting down the days since 2004, but come on, we are on the HOME STRETCH people!! Hang in there for Christ sake!!
So after we saw it the first time, I say "Who throws a shoe? Honestly?! You fight like a woman!"
Ahhh....Austin Powers movie is the best when you can quote it at any given moment!!
Enjoy these, won't you?
There we were, watching the KC-San Diego football game- which was all the options we had on TV. (It was either that shit fest OR Tampa Bay at Atlanta....Football seems to get be getting worse. Or maybe I am getting worse at my pick 'em pool and holding on to my top 10 status just gets scarier each week.)
The news breaks in- which was during a commercial break not even the game- to let us know the "breaking news" in Baghdad or I guess just how the farewell speech went with Bush.
Apparently not good. OR really good. Depends on how you look at it.
The lady newscaster lets us know that there was a Baghdad journalist that threw his own shoes at president Bush, but Bush was not harmed. They go to the video.
WHAT?
I have never laughed that hard at something I shouldn't since grade school!! You have to be shitty me!!
So this guy gets off his left shoe- CHUCKS it at Bush, Bush ducks (can the Denver Broncos recruit Bush with those awesome moves?) then the guy has time to take off his RIGHT shoe and throw it at him for one more try. Holy shit. What has this world come to?? First off the fact that the guy had TIME to take off his shoes (and look how I said that plural) and throw it at him is damn good- and second off- Hey! Secret Service! Can you say JOB OPENING? Not in this job market!! You want to keep on to the job even if it means you have to protect Bush....I mean yes, we have been counting down the days since 2004, but come on, we are on the HOME STRETCH people!! Hang in there for Christ sake!!
So after we saw it the first time, I say "Who throws a shoe? Honestly?! You fight like a woman!"
Ahhh....Austin Powers movie is the best when you can quote it at any given moment!!
Enjoy these, won't you?
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Creature living in our grill....
Steve and I decided to grill out the other night- It has been such an awesome November .... NO SNOW ... which means, lets have steak on the grill!! OK!!
So I am not doing anything to help- Steve is pretty much the cook in the family so I am in the kitchen keeping him company and reading some magazine. Steve goes outside to light the grill. Man I would LOVE to work for Rolling Stones...."Dre, come out here."
I go outside on our little pourch.
"What do you think happened here?" Steve says. I look at the grill which he is pointed at and from afar and in the dark- it looks like someone piled a bunch of little fire logs IN our grill. "What is that?" I ask.....
Steve goes over to it and turns on our grill light that we got for our wedding. (I love wedding presents) so this .... thing .... lits up in the light. It is a pile of leaves. What in the hell?
We are both staring at it. "Who would put a pile of leave in our grill?" These leaves are the shape of the grill. There is SO many of them. Steve gets one leaf off of the top of the grill. The pile of leaves move. "Holy shit it moved." I say. "What?" like Steve does not believe what I just said ... or maybe with his shitty hearing I need to say it louder. "It just MOVED." Sure enough- that was like a roll cue for the thing to move so it moves. We both RUN back in the house- I am pretty sure I scream. We shut the door.
We are both starting at the pile and we are now inside both creeped out. I tell Steve he needs to do something about it and he says, "F that! I am not going out there!!" He goes back out there to shut the grill and turn off the gas. He comes back in, "They can have the winter! We will just get a new grill!!" We get out the Forman that we got for a wedding present (I love wedding presents) and cook up our steaks.
Seriously? So we have to let the thing just live in there?!
So DAYS later I make him open the grill again. Maybe if it gets cold enough it will leave. I hope.
So after a few days of having the grill cover OPEN (which- what will that do or prove to our creature anyway?) we are good to go knowing that .... maybe ... this thing will pack up and move. SO it starts snowing tonight .... Steve and I start talking- We know feel bad for this creature in the grill- its little head is getting snowed on and now it is cold!! So I look out and the nest is COVERED in snow, I tell Steve we need to put the grill top down so he can have his home again. (sidenote: we need a new grill)
I go outside with Steve behind me saying "MAN UP!!" Excuse me? Last time I check you had the balls in this relationship. SO I tell him I cannot do it- I cannot get that close to the grill without losing my shit. SO I come in the warm house, Steve puts on my shoes and goes out there. He is approaching the grill (at this point I wished I would of had my video camera rolling) and puts down the grill top- when all of a sudden creature comes FLYING out at him!! Steve's face was nothing I had never seen before- the look of fear, the look of I may or may not shit myself and I am leaning towards MAY at this point of my life. The look of HOLY SHIT is on his face. I have never seen Steve move or react to ANYTHING that fast in the 4 years I have known him. He is seriously scared. I am freaking out just as much- but I am on the safety zone. The creature cannot touch base .... I am safe!! I fear for Steve- I look really hard to see this THING that has been taking up space and I see that it was a squirrel. You know that one part in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation where the crazy ass squirrel jumps out of the tree?! THAT was this moment right before my eyes. The squirrel jumped out at Steve and then took off on the fence. The thing was pissed off and now we know that this squirrel is in our grill storing his damn winter food. Now what? We did not clean it up- We were both too freaked to go touch it again. Steve keeps saying, "he can have the winter!" I really want to clean it out. But then I see Alvin, Simon and Theodore just sitting there coming up with a bad ass Christmas album .... How can I kick them out? Maybe my grill is their recording studio.
All in all....the creature still has its nest. For now.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Madonna Concert ...
For Jessica's birthday ... her beloved husband gave her two tickets to see Madonna live in concert at the Pepsi Center here in Denver. This would be only the second night (the night before being her first) that Madonna has EVER been to Denver. Why has the material girl never been in Denver?! Could it be the altitude making it really hard for singers to wail? Could it be that she thinks of Colorado like most people do .... skiers and cowboys and that no one here in this great city would want to see her roll around the stage? For whatever reason her 20+ singing career has kept her from Denver .... we were not about to miss this like a virgin step foot on to stage for the first time. Well second.
I go to work getting pumped about the show that night telling everyone about it. Bill Doleman (one of our anchors at the network) tells me that last night she did not go on stage till 9:30 when it was supposed to start at 8:00. So I think that that is kind of BS- but at the same time we are talking about the material girl that is living in a material world. She can really do what she wants- and if it is a good show- screw it, right?! I tell Bill and Marius (the other anchor) that I have inside information (from brother in law, Kelly) that I know when her plane is leaving. I tell them our grand plan of leaving the concert as fast as we can to see her leave- or in the best case scenario to see her get on the plane and make her sign my chest. I tell them that we think that her plane leaves at midnight. Then we all start laughing at the sight of Madonna's plane leaving at midnight .... with or without her. "This is the final call for flight number .... MADONNA ...." There is Madonna in her small little outfit looking up at the screens-then down at her ticket. "SHIT- my plane is leaving!!" Then she starts to run in her high heel shoes-with her bags ... you know like NORMAL PEOPLE DO!! Then she has to go through security ..... then SHE is the one that gets the random search. "Excuse me miss, can you step over here for me....." then SHE gets the stupid air blows on her. "But I am going to miss my flight!!!" AHHHH.....famous people are funny.
So work is now over with- I spend a few minutes with Steve and then I meet Jess for dinner. Now at the moment I am walking out the door I think I should do something funny. Do I wear a small skirt with leg warmers? Do I wear a tore up wedding dress in the Like a Virgin video? Do I plant a mole above my mouth? No- I have no time for jokes .... I am running a few minutes behind. SO I meet Jess and she is in her teacher clothes so she needs to go change into a Madonna outfit and for Jess and I that means hoodie and jeans. So I am sitting there .... Drinking my drink. Thinking it is taking awhile. No big deal. Maybe Jess is taking a shit.....Man I am hungry. Jess comes back, sits down. DAMN IT! She has a mole!!! That is damn funny!!! So we start laughing so hard- I tell her I was MOMENTS away from doing that myself and I tell her NICE WORK!! We are just chatting. Damn. I cannot stop staring at that mole. It is kind of talking to me. Its like when she talks- the mole is talking. Thank GOD she does not have a real mole. That would put a big wedge in our relationship. "I seriously cannot stop staring at your mole..." she laughs. I pay the bill thanking her for taking me to the concert and we move on. Jess checks to make sure we have the tickets for the tenth time and we leave the restaurant.
We get in my car..... Enjoy this video ....
So we are now on our way to the concert. BUT wait.....we need something. we need shooters. We stop at a liquor store that has a sign outside of it that said, NO HOODIES ALLOWED. Huh. we are clearly wearing hoodies. Maybe they mean something else.
We get our shooters ... NOW we are in action.
We are pulling into the parking lot of the Pepsi Center and we are seeing A LOT of old people getting out of the car. And I mean like 70 year old people....THAT is old.
Now .... enjoy THIS video.
After THAT debacle.... we head in. We find our seats, and we sit. We are people watching - it is 8:13 and NO ONE is there. I would say it is 3/4 empty. The fact that she did not come on until 9:30 the night before is definitely impacting people.
Then at 9:14, the lights go down. Everyone screams .... Madonna is about to go on. The opening is awesome. I cannot really describe it and I captured it on my phone ... which SUCKS compared to my flip so imagine, if you will, something awesome.
The show goes on for 2 hours ... Jess and I get up, dance, sing ... and then sit for some of the stuff we don't know but still jam and just look at her in awe. She comes out in soccer socks and jump ropes at one point. When I am 50 I pray to GOD I am doing that. Not really wearing my soccer socks to play soccer because I should just quit that NOW ... but I DO hope I am in those tiny ass shorts, jump roping across a stage singing my heart out.
At one point she is talking to the crowd. She gets mad at us when we stop clapping. She REALLY gets mad a one row that is sitting. She even says, "What the fuck do you think this is, a Barbra Streisand concert?! No offense." She ask the crowd what to sing, she sings Like a Virgin. We sing with her. Then she stops after the first verse and tells the crowd that is all she remembers and she never can remember the second verse. Second verse .... Same as the first!! Oh wait. Pretty sure that is Henry the 8th song. Anyway, she keeps going ... she sings Like a Prayer- which is one of my favs, and I really do not want that song to stop. Ever. She sings her last song- goes back in the vanishing door .... and ... scene. There is was. I told Jess before the show that Steve and I always know when a band is NOT doing an encore. And THAT is when the house lights come on. People think the show will still go on. Not when those damn lights go on. Sure enough the lights go on - even though Holiday came on, and Jess and I looked at each other. We got to bust a move out of here! So we leave our row. This is the part I hate about concerts. There- in the sea of "cows" and no one is moving and everyone is all jacked up on the concert they just saw. Not Jess and I, we sprinted out of there ... take the stairs down .... we are flying down them. We are now pretty much running to the car - which is in Lot A thanks to Sam and his free parking. We get to the car and we are the only car that is backing out. NICE! We speed out of the parking lot, which is RIGHT next to I-25 and we are now on our highway! I give my phone to Jess who can get Kelly's text message of directions. Now we are going to see Madonna's plane leave. Hopefully we can see the material girl herself.
Now watch this video won't you?
Now the rest of the night will probably be best summed up in videos. We like to call them VLOGS in the biz. BUT unfortunately they are "too big" for blogger- so I will just explain what happened.
We get to the airport in probably about 15 minutes. We were FLYING down I-25- I have never driven that fast (THAT is a lie) and we thought for sure we beat the Virgin to the airport. We talk to mom on the phone who says that we have to go through some security and that we should just tell the guy that we are seeing one of Kelly's friends. Well we get there and there is NO security or gates of any sort so we keep driving. Jess is reading the text from Kelly, "Go to the end of the street- that is where her plane is." So we do what he tells us do and there is only two planes. A small jet like plane and a bigger plan that is a little further away. We pull in and think- this is it....this is where we see Madonna!!
The engine on this little plane is going and it is loud. We think that it is NO DOUBT it is her plane! We are just sitting in the car just staring at this plane. We are slightly disappointed that there is no glitter, no big "M", no pink ANYWHERE- just a plain white plane. ("Looks like a big Tylenol." - Airplane BEST movie ever) We just sit there. I decide that I need to get out of the car and get a closer look. BUT Jess reminds me that mom almost got bitch slap taking pictures of John Kerry so I get back in the car real quick. We see a nice Escalade leaving the area. THAT has to be Madonna's car that she SPED in because we were just as speedy and now Madonna is in the plane enjoying some peanuts. The plane starts to move. "We are following that plane!!" I start to follow the plane with my car!! I am getting turned around- I am pretty much going in a circle until I decide to follow another Escalade. Jess tells me that we would probably just follow it back to a rental car place.
Oh wait- there is the plane on the right hand side of us. See?!?! we ARE following the plane!! As the plane is taxing- we are just following it. We are talking about how Madonna would love us if she only just met us!!
The plane takes off and we are just sitting in the middle of the road SO disappointed. That was it. That is all we got. We got no autograph, no picture, NOTHING.
The show was awesome and I would see her again in a heart beat. All in all, dancing around in our house when we were little pretending to be the material girl- 22 years later- we see her live. Then we see her leave in her plane. Or so we think.
I go to work getting pumped about the show that night telling everyone about it. Bill Doleman (one of our anchors at the network) tells me that last night she did not go on stage till 9:30 when it was supposed to start at 8:00. So I think that that is kind of BS- but at the same time we are talking about the material girl that is living in a material world. She can really do what she wants- and if it is a good show- screw it, right?! I tell Bill and Marius (the other anchor) that I have inside information (from brother in law, Kelly) that I know when her plane is leaving. I tell them our grand plan of leaving the concert as fast as we can to see her leave- or in the best case scenario to see her get on the plane and make her sign my chest. I tell them that we think that her plane leaves at midnight. Then we all start laughing at the sight of Madonna's plane leaving at midnight .... with or without her. "This is the final call for flight number .... MADONNA ...." There is Madonna in her small little outfit looking up at the screens-then down at her ticket. "SHIT- my plane is leaving!!" Then she starts to run in her high heel shoes-with her bags ... you know like NORMAL PEOPLE DO!! Then she has to go through security ..... then SHE is the one that gets the random search. "Excuse me miss, can you step over here for me....." then SHE gets the stupid air blows on her. "But I am going to miss my flight!!!" AHHHH.....famous people are funny.
So work is now over with- I spend a few minutes with Steve and then I meet Jess for dinner. Now at the moment I am walking out the door I think I should do something funny. Do I wear a small skirt with leg warmers? Do I wear a tore up wedding dress in the Like a Virgin video? Do I plant a mole above my mouth? No- I have no time for jokes .... I am running a few minutes behind. SO I meet Jess and she is in her teacher clothes so she needs to go change into a Madonna outfit and for Jess and I that means hoodie and jeans. So I am sitting there .... Drinking my drink. Thinking it is taking awhile. No big deal. Maybe Jess is taking a shit.....Man I am hungry. Jess comes back, sits down. DAMN IT! She has a mole!!! That is damn funny!!! So we start laughing so hard- I tell her I was MOMENTS away from doing that myself and I tell her NICE WORK!! We are just chatting. Damn. I cannot stop staring at that mole. It is kind of talking to me. Its like when she talks- the mole is talking. Thank GOD she does not have a real mole. That would put a big wedge in our relationship. "I seriously cannot stop staring at your mole..." she laughs. I pay the bill thanking her for taking me to the concert and we move on. Jess checks to make sure we have the tickets for the tenth time and we leave the restaurant.
We get in my car..... Enjoy this video ....
So we are now on our way to the concert. BUT wait.....we need something. we need shooters. We stop at a liquor store that has a sign outside of it that said, NO HOODIES ALLOWED. Huh. we are clearly wearing hoodies. Maybe they mean something else.
We get our shooters ... NOW we are in action.
We are pulling into the parking lot of the Pepsi Center and we are seeing A LOT of old people getting out of the car. And I mean like 70 year old people....THAT is old.
Now .... enjoy THIS video.
After THAT debacle.... we head in. We find our seats, and we sit. We are people watching - it is 8:13 and NO ONE is there. I would say it is 3/4 empty. The fact that she did not come on until 9:30 the night before is definitely impacting people.
Then at 9:14, the lights go down. Everyone screams .... Madonna is about to go on. The opening is awesome. I cannot really describe it and I captured it on my phone ... which SUCKS compared to my flip so imagine, if you will, something awesome.
The show goes on for 2 hours ... Jess and I get up, dance, sing ... and then sit for some of the stuff we don't know but still jam and just look at her in awe. She comes out in soccer socks and jump ropes at one point. When I am 50 I pray to GOD I am doing that. Not really wearing my soccer socks to play soccer because I should just quit that NOW ... but I DO hope I am in those tiny ass shorts, jump roping across a stage singing my heart out.
At one point she is talking to the crowd. She gets mad at us when we stop clapping. She REALLY gets mad a one row that is sitting. She even says, "What the fuck do you think this is, a Barbra Streisand concert?! No offense." She ask the crowd what to sing, she sings Like a Virgin. We sing with her. Then she stops after the first verse and tells the crowd that is all she remembers and she never can remember the second verse. Second verse .... Same as the first!! Oh wait. Pretty sure that is Henry the 8th song. Anyway, she keeps going ... she sings Like a Prayer- which is one of my favs, and I really do not want that song to stop. Ever. She sings her last song- goes back in the vanishing door .... and ... scene. There is was. I told Jess before the show that Steve and I always know when a band is NOT doing an encore. And THAT is when the house lights come on. People think the show will still go on. Not when those damn lights go on. Sure enough the lights go on - even though Holiday came on, and Jess and I looked at each other. We got to bust a move out of here! So we leave our row. This is the part I hate about concerts. There- in the sea of "cows" and no one is moving and everyone is all jacked up on the concert they just saw. Not Jess and I, we sprinted out of there ... take the stairs down .... we are flying down them. We are now pretty much running to the car - which is in Lot A thanks to Sam and his free parking. We get to the car and we are the only car that is backing out. NICE! We speed out of the parking lot, which is RIGHT next to I-25 and we are now on our highway! I give my phone to Jess who can get Kelly's text message of directions. Now we are going to see Madonna's plane leave. Hopefully we can see the material girl herself.
Now watch this video won't you?
Now the rest of the night will probably be best summed up in videos. We like to call them VLOGS in the biz. BUT unfortunately they are "too big" for blogger- so I will just explain what happened.
We get to the airport in probably about 15 minutes. We were FLYING down I-25- I have never driven that fast (THAT is a lie) and we thought for sure we beat the Virgin to the airport. We talk to mom on the phone who says that we have to go through some security and that we should just tell the guy that we are seeing one of Kelly's friends. Well we get there and there is NO security or gates of any sort so we keep driving. Jess is reading the text from Kelly, "Go to the end of the street- that is where her plane is." So we do what he tells us do and there is only two planes. A small jet like plane and a bigger plan that is a little further away. We pull in and think- this is it....this is where we see Madonna!!
The engine on this little plane is going and it is loud. We think that it is NO DOUBT it is her plane! We are just sitting in the car just staring at this plane. We are slightly disappointed that there is no glitter, no big "M", no pink ANYWHERE- just a plain white plane. ("Looks like a big Tylenol." - Airplane BEST movie ever) We just sit there. I decide that I need to get out of the car and get a closer look. BUT Jess reminds me that mom almost got bitch slap taking pictures of John Kerry so I get back in the car real quick. We see a nice Escalade leaving the area. THAT has to be Madonna's car that she SPED in because we were just as speedy and now Madonna is in the plane enjoying some peanuts. The plane starts to move. "We are following that plane!!" I start to follow the plane with my car!! I am getting turned around- I am pretty much going in a circle until I decide to follow another Escalade. Jess tells me that we would probably just follow it back to a rental car place.
Oh wait- there is the plane on the right hand side of us. See?!?! we ARE following the plane!! As the plane is taxing- we are just following it. We are talking about how Madonna would love us if she only just met us!!
The plane takes off and we are just sitting in the middle of the road SO disappointed. That was it. That is all we got. We got no autograph, no picture, NOTHING.
The show was awesome and I would see her again in a heart beat. All in all, dancing around in our house when we were little pretending to be the material girl- 22 years later- we see her live. Then we see her leave in her plane. Or so we think.
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